She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
