U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
