I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
