He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
