"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
