this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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