I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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