I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
