Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize