On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
