He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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