they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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