Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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