check it out our google latitudes are spooning
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
