Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
