I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
