Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
