I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
