allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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