yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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