Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize