so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
