she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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