I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
