I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We need to rekindle our bromance
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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