Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize