My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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