remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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