Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
