Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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