they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
