Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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