Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
