I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
