He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
