can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
