Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
