gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
