I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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