The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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