dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You are a genius and a whore.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
