I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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