dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
