I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
