he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
