heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
