you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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