Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
