She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
