Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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