if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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