you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
