11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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