I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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