can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
