Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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