Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
