We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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