my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
