Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He better not be in your backpack
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
