Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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