He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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