I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
