Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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