Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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