Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
