You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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