just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
