idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
