8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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