you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
