I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
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