Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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