Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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