guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
we're so committed to being not committed
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
